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User talk:L1lHerobrinel1l
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The White Fox page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 05:11, July 23, 2019 (UTC) Deletion Hey, so I recently deleted your story The White Fox. Normally a deletion is because of grammatical, punctuation, and mechanical based errors, or because it violated one of the blacklisted subjects. We use the QS as a way to weed out the low effort stories. Unfortunately, even though I don't think your story is low effort and it has few mechancial erroros I still moved ahead with the deletion. If you want I can offer in-depth notes on the story beat-by-beat, just post it to the writer's workshop , but I'll try and outline why I deleted your story below. So first off you're gonna want to look at some guides, such as this one because it outlines the core of the reason why I deleted your story, which is that it feels like a vehicle to introduce an OC style character. Plot wise and style wise, you make no effort to build mood or atmosphere. You tell us nothing about setting or character. You use no creative language to describe either the individuals, or the story involved. For example, :His eyes and mouth were bleeding, forming a smile. His eyes were glowing in the darkness that surrounded him. One eye white, the other red. In the above, you simply declare things. You simply state them, like fact. You use some words like "glowing" that kind of come close to painting a mental picture, but it's way too little. As a writer it's your job to choose specific words to paint a vivid description that creates an emotional reaction in your reader and you're just not doing that. This is where words like wretched, haunting, disgusting, ghoulish, piercing, malignant, malelovelent, etc. could all have come in handy. Is the eye white? What does it look like? Is it milky? Is it cloudy? Or is it smooth and consistent like a billiard ball? How does it make the narrator feel? Revolted? Does she feel like it's looking at her? Does it look like the result of an injury, or something else entirely? You're meant to make choices about what to show the reader, and what to leave blank, but the thing is, ''you have to actually choose. ''This story has almost zero creative language or descriptive passages. Despite the fact it feels like you put a fair amount of time into it, and despite the fact it has very few grammatical errors, it doesn't like an actual story at all. It feels like an attempt to sell us on The White Fox, who is an OC character you've devised. You can help remedy this by revisiting the story and thinking carefully about how you want the reader to feel, and how you can use original and inventive word choices throughout the story to make those feelings happen. The workshop is a great place to start this journey, and you'll find it takes almost no time at all to get feedback from others. And you can always message me, and I'll happily take the time to do a big, in-depth response ChristianWallis (talk) 09:47, July 23, 2019 (UTC)